Will drive you mad!

Roxanne
You don't have to put on that red light
Walk the streets for money
You don't care if it's wrong or if it is right

Roxanne
You don't have to wear that dress tonight
Roxanne
You don't have to sell your body to the night

His eyes upon your face
His hand upon your hand
His lips caress your skin
It's more than I can stand

Roxanne
Why does my heart cry?
Roxanne

Feelings I can't fight
You're free to leave me
But just don't deceive me
And please believe me
When I say, I love you

Give you your time
To do what you're saying
And if you have to
And if he has to,
I won't blame you

En el alma se me fue
Se me fue el corazon
Ya no puedo mas vivir
Porque no te puedo convencer
Que no te vendas Roxanne

Roxanne
Why does my heart cry?
Roxanne
Feelings I can't fight
Roxanne
You don't have to put on that red light
Roxanne
You don't have to wear that dress tonight
Roxanne

His eyes upon her face
His hand upon her hand
His lips caress her skin
It's more than he can stand

i hate the rumours game. i don't want to go through this again. i will do whatever is necessary to end it.

just for once, could you ask me how i'm feeling and actually talk to me? i'm really tired of making the first move.

So, I figure (and think) no-one reads these anymore, which is pretty good. I wish I knew how to make a post that could be locked :/

Anyway, I'm taking an example from D & L and writing a totally personal blog post. Haha. I know. It's not really like me.

Well, where do I start? I haven't written here for a long time. I'm not quite sure why, but I've been pretty secretive over the past few months. I guess...Haha, it's really hard to write this! I'm not so good at letting people in. Maybe that's my problem.

I guess over the past few months I've just been feeling kind of...I don't know how to put it. Like sometimes people just take advantage of me. And then I get really paranoid and think that maybe people only like me because I'm pretty good at listening to them. And don't get me wrong, I love listening to everyone but

I get so wound up worrying about other people. It literally keeps me awake at night. And I used to think that was normal, to completely put other people before yourself but lately I've been thinking that maybe I should just head to Yorkshire, completely start again but don't make any friends this time. That way I'd get things done.

But don't worry, don't worry! I'm not heading to Yorkshire. My parents are having a bit of a rough time down here and I figure that leaving them would pave the way for disaster, as harsh as that sounds. I've also built a new life down here and I think that maybe this is something I need to do. Maybe I just need to tell people that once in a while, it would be nice to, I don't know, have an equal conversation. A conversation where I know where I stand and I'm not having to constantly filter my thoughts because the person I'm talking to doesn't like me to be myself.

I probably need to talk about recent stuff now, don't I? Hah. I definitely don't know the formula for this kind of thing.

The past fortnight has been a complete whirlwind, to be honest. I've gone from writing various integrated assignments to sobbing on the bathroom floor. Good times, haha. I discovered that my family is now completely broke which I can't help but feel guilty about. It's odd, even though I know that I've tried to get a job countless times and I always only use my own money to buy things, I feel horrifically guilty. Partially because I know that when it comes to my birthday on Thursday, I know that inside a little, tiny part of me will be going, "How much did this cost?" and then thinking that my parents should have spent their money on doing something for Valentine's Day instead of getting me anything.

I've also made the decision that I'm completely giving up music as soon as I've done my GCSE. I know that it's a sudden decision, considering that I've been playing music for all of my life and I spent a great portion of my life wanting to become a songwriter. I don't think I like who music makes me. There's a lot of competition between people to become the best and, well, that just isn't me, really. In order to be the nicest person possible, it means giving up everything that makes me selfish and, well, I guess it's a necessary sacrifice.

Because of that, I guess it means that everything with C has to follow the same rules. I was, haha, I was really, really stupid. It's weird, but I think that if I'd known that by just telling him on Leavers' Day that I liked him would turn out to hurt me this much, I wouldn't have done it. Because ultimately, everything's come to the same conclusion. It's very well to say, "But you had such a great time together...!" but maybe then, I'd be able to get over this.

Right, um, I guess the next subject is Kym's party. It was kinda...awkward. I'm not too good at parties, because I just clam up. I sang, though! I sang The Winner Takes It All and then I realised just how ironic it was halfway through the song, ha.

The moral of this blog post: Never, ever, ever fall for a boy who's already moved on. And talk to your friends, goddammit!

I don't wanna talk

If it makes you feel sad

And I understand

You've come to shake my hand

I apologize

If it makes you feel bad

Seeing me so tense

No self-confidence

But you see

The winner takes it all

The winner takes it all.....

i'll never be the same (if we ever meet again.)

㱷媇詊嫹彃胜捸䑈擪輙瑈慀薈杸劸䌼痀鄚瑈梛頁㨂氈勜獆删酿弇揕瑈挼埜柘樜䋸䞒氢猕疸䏃度蟄惮匼輙瑈挼劸䌒冺䥟梪摈攸䦸䌼ﶮ專垛呈氈崛猼㖻䶅寘暮寂葈挼撲挀ﰧ猼拓椊橾葈挼ahah 來悦寘摈㟼勜泥剜撲斻䌼hU苀倸䄚筸䬻䖻䅃!僮庂猀㪪葀喻䔸䦸䌼㢝鍉剧蟄澛檜淠晀顱葈挼嚩餭栛匼ﯘ摈挀苏勜愚瑈捰唸䦸䦭劸䑈挼館的戾匼ﯘ摈㱷媇葈氎瑏剜撲挀蚔瑈挼瞣崛毘漺逻嚩騅匮寘惮寘憽䌼䇥嚩鲩艇捸䑈欸朌瑈㑈泮巂娂挼･刾匼ﯘ憽䌼ﱩ臫趗樂懈葈涕猼竿剄栊崛毘游垝鑈挼ﳑ叄摈ㄚ皮寂诘捸䑈汩臫茼娂懈聦賃摈朞悦㰈垛忥蜸䕽任䩮誜枾呈毘憽䌼例縸垝鑈悦匼䦸䌼ﯘ摈愚簪茒廀愚纺䒲摈桭朖尜壭柜牜摈悦匼ﺦ蟄惮匼靖徏猼鴚㰜壭柜猼慗焚稔穈嫢谈嗾尜壭柜瑈毘憽䌼䲖簜壭柜瑈挼喈gnabzzihs頛巵脚牜怉毘榐寘惮品饟獸䰜壭柜瑈㞳猒廿焼尜壭柜瑿耜溦蟄摈㉖霗錼撲挼寘惮區ㄚ素瘮毘柇胿儚瑈GMO禀孎冈偍儚篘溺䍰强鎀摈檪诘滀摈挼窀懥寘惮ㄚ瓘湮尜壭柜篘怱峹崠瓉欸朌瑈椭栛

my toes are very very cold.

i'm bored i'm bored i'm broed i'm BORED EVEN!

ANYWAY BECAUSE I'M BORED I'M GOING TO COMPILE A LIST OF AWESOME THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS

- stealing emma's house and every time i leave going DON'T RAPE THAT PIGEON. and pressing her doorbell

- going to ffaf with kirsty. "we should stay in a travel lodge"
"wait where's the travel lodge"
"NEXT TO YOU"
and of course the
"HEY LOOK, THAT SIGN'S THE SAME COLOUR AS THAT SIGN!"
"...that's because they're the same sign."

"mmm, tesco value."
"i LIKE this"

- conversation with beckyx2 + kirsty
"i'd be fine with philip so long as he stopped putting his GODDAMN elbows on my GODDAMN table!"
"we've moved behind him now!"
"i can feel him mentally elbowing my table."

- conversation with daniel while drunk
"thye thnki i m drnk but i'm NTO!!!" and on and on

- the ape walk
"WALK IT, WALK IT...oh hi ms nutchins...."

- the titanic re enactment
"NEEEEAR FAAAAAR WHEREVERRRR YOU AREEE-"
"TILLY, that's mrs branch coming up the stairs"

- emma's house, scene one of many
the riff from funhouse
"THIS USED TO BE A FUN-"
"I DON'T CARE, MABUILDA!"

-oh yeah that whole thing
mabuilda winehold
fuck yeah.

why should i care? 'cause you weren't there when i was scared.

let's have a very quick update and then i'm off again because i really don't care about this tbh

it's half term. i'm going to see my cousins on thursday. i'm going to see funeral for a friend + a movie on wednesday. i may or may not be going to a sleepover on saturday. it all depends on whether i'm back from yorkshire. i've repierced my ears. they've stopped hurting. there is no infection. i may or may not have an infection in the hole in my neck. that's from a panic attack, not self harm, thanks. i'm going to the doctor on tuesday to find out what's wrong with me regarding the panic attacks.

you know, i'm really a bit tired of this whole blogging situation. if you want to know about me, you should ask me what's going on with me. i have no interest in talking to an empty space.

I'm Not the Same Kid.

...Yeah.
Nothing to say really. I'm good.
Laters.

kamikaze airplanes in the sky

i've slept properly the past two nights, i've just successfully completed an order for clothes online without freaking out, i'm hopefully attending one of jreed's writing workshops which he's trying to rearrange so that i can attend, i'm closer now to my parents + family than i've ever been and i'm actually not dreading school too much now.

life is goooood (:

txo

hi i'm tilly and i write about forbidden gay unicorn love.

If We're All Alone, Aren't We In This Together?

I like this song. It's by October Fall. Barely anyone's heard of them, which is sad, because their album was pretty good.

-take my innocence away, we'd barely notice anyway.

i figure that i need to do A Proper Blogpost for once.
Right, this week.
I've met up with Luke and Emma this week. It was good. I didn't realise how much I'd missed either of them. Luke and I met this crazy cat lady who showed us her ducks and so we called her cat Tabitha. She was pretty cool. Emma and I had a picnic. It was fun. I like Emma. She's cool.
I went a bit weird on Dan & Lorren that night though - I'm not sure whether it was the fact I'd been drinking that night or whether everything just got to me. It's all been a little stressful to be honest. I think only Dan, and maybe Lorren, know the whole thing really. They're cool.

-i don't want to be anything you forget.

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. And I think I've made up my mind. But yeah, I dunno. I think it's too late.

-they won't forget you in the end.

That's just life.

five favourite...

songs this week

wild world - cat stevens

"it's breaking my heart that you're leaving,
baby i'm grieving"

share it with me - family force five

"you've already broken my heart.
i'd like to keep at least one piece."

hot mess - cobra starship

"got me hypnotized
the city's your play ground"

your call - secondhand serenade

"i was born to tell you i love you
and i am torn to do what i have to."

here it goes - jimmy eat world

"lights go down
everything is yours to lose"

'cause when you're fifteen, someone tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them.

THIS IS NOT AN UPDATE.

STORIES OF FAME
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2560251/2/High_School_The_Bet
"TJ shrugged. "He's upset that you didn't tell us you were gay earlier."
Rodgers frowned. "I wasn't gay earlier."
TJ shook his head. "You really are hopeless, you know?""

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2322849/1/FrankInLove
"He didn’t kiss Flea or Gill, but I couldn’t blame him. Kissing Flea on the cheek would probably make him cough up a hairball later, and I figured kissing Gill would be kind of slimy. And anyway, I was his best friend.
He started kissing me on the cheek whenever we’d meet up, and I got a little weirded-out again until I remembered that I was a cool, modern guy. Lots of European guys did that kissy double-cheek thing when they met up, like Italians. Italians were still manly. They had coliseums and stuff."

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2641144/1/CharlieHorse_and_the_Jolly_Green_Giant
""What are you guys doing here? This is so crazy that you're all here, and I'm here, too, huh? Anyways. What's up?" Cindy asked. The boys, who were not expecting anyone they knew (let alone Cindy) were thoroughly weirded out. Charlie thought that she must be stalking him (what if she was trying to make sure that he was eating the gingerbread house because she laced it with date-rape drugs?), and Mario thought that she must be the craziest bitch he had ever met (who the hell gives her crush gingerbread houses and follows him into the woods to try to seduce him?). Mario leaned over to whisper into Charlie's ear."

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2430890/1/Kiss_me
"I blink and smile giddily to myself. From across the office, I notice Jimmy by the coffee machine stupidly flashing two thumbs up at me; probing me for an answer. I grin and repeatedly nod at him while stupidly flashing two thumbs up back at him.
We probably look like two drop dead gorgeous maniacs, but who cares? The editor-in-chief and sub-editor-in-chief are celebrating."

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2475090/1/Click_Click_Click
"Darel Coffman isn't sure he should bother. It hasn't been mentioned, not once sense he'd woken up in Matt's bed, walked home trying to revive his decency, but it's been bothering him like a sleeping foot for five years. Hiding really isn't his thing, hence the six foot poster of the U.S.S. Enterprise (plus support vehicles) in his dorm room, but Matt doesn't want the beans spilt; doesn't want people to know he's been tonsil searching with the biggest nerd since George Lucas for over five years."


yes, they are slash. don't like it, don't deal, but all of these writers are incredibly talented. i pick them for their talent, not their content. they deserve a few minutes of your attention.

you're a hot mess and i'm falling for you

COBRA'S NEW ALBUM IS OUT!!

want to buy me it? damn, didn't think so. got turned down for the job by JC, broke up with C + dislocated left rib. i should be feeling lousy.
i'm not. i'm doing pretty good, despite the fact that my hoodie is late and hasn't arrived yet and my dad's being an asshole. i'm feeling good.
don't bring me down, badup.

so come on/won't you rip me up

-with your furious eyes, yeah you're talking too much/ i can't see the sky yet/ i can't see the sky yet/ heat me up before i freeze you out/ oh i can't talk to you with my head in the clouds/ so come on/ won't you rip me up/ won't you rip me up.

it's bordering on masochism haha ¬¬
and i'm not planning on posting the rest of it here haha. seriously, the only people i'm planning on showing it to are the people i hopefully make a band with. i don't want to make music on my own. it's lonely. plus i have all these ideas for different parts.

between the lines.

he wants to send me away.
it's not fair, it's not, it's not it's not, i was the one holding us all together when she buggered off to god knows where and they were crying and arguing every few minutes and i kept it together and even when she came back and we had so little money and everyone cried, i kept strong and you'd think someone would say well done
but as soon as he's back he thinks he can just fuck us all over again, it's not fair, it's not it's not how he picks sides and then he's taunting me every few minutes and i get told off for rising to it. it's not fair i'm not allowed to have my own privacy. i shouldn't have to make excuses just so i can keep a lock on my computer so i can keep my stories and songs private. i shouldn't have to have to keep my gameboy in my bedroom even though i paid for it and gave him my old one. he shouldn't be allowed to keep it when it's not his and it's not fair, it's not it's not, and i get blamed for everything going missing and then nobody believes me when it's not my fault and then when i prove it's not my fault still no one apologises. and it's not fair, i've given up so much and yet they're still allowed to hurt me. my friends pretty much hate me now because i can't stand the thought of being trapped here with no money again because it isn't fair. if you can't pay for your own food, you don't eat. if you don't pay for your own travel, you're not to go out. and yet they seem to love her, she's driven to these expensive courses and they still hate me even though it's not my fault. and i'm called the "reason for his "depression"" when i try to stand up for myself. i'm not allowed my own privacy. i'm not allowed my friends. i'm certainly not allowed to stand up for myself when everyone else is putting me down. i'm tired of being the lazy child, the one who doesn't work, when my grades have improved so much. and they have. i've gone from es+fs to as bs + cs but still i get the she got an a*, why can't you? i'm not her. i'm so sick of being the child who's used to make the other two look better, prettier, funnier, smarter. i'm too tired with this. i can't see the point any more to anything. i'm not allowed to be what i want to be because i don't understand how i can get there on my own and no one will help me. i can't even wear my own clothes.
i've been so strong all along and you seem to think it's alright to destroy everything i love and ban me from everything i enjoy doing
you can't keep me locked in my bedroom forever. if you're expecting some prince charming to come and save me from this fucked up family, you're wrong. soon you're going to have to realise that there won't be a happy ending. because i'm not rapunzel, and i've learnt by now that things never end happily.

now we've got a big big big mess on our hands tonight.

Late night/early morning shopping. It's 3.29AM. Which one is it d'you think?
I'm trying to find a really cool green zip up hoodie with a white zip.
http://www.chemical-records.co.uk/sc/servlet/Info?ref=gbase&Track=SMITHGR
^^
I guess that's something like what I want, but I don't dig the green too much.
http://store.americanapparel.net/f497w.html
I REALLY want one of these. It's a hoodie like the one Gabe for Cobra wears and it's very very nice. So I'd quite like one of those. The only problem is that like...I dunno. In measurements, strictly speaking I'm well within the range of a Small and the Small clothes that I have for my Clockwork Orange tee or my Sonic one are slightly too big. However, it's a hoodie though isn't it? So I'm gonna get a medium, haha. I want one with a really baggy fit anyway. Still, I can't help wondering if it's gonna drown me. I'm a 34, 35" and the average size for a medium is around a 40. so :S Hm. Don't even ask why I'm buying men's/unisex hoodies, ahaa. I guess having small tits is at least good for something.

I deleted all the stuff on my iPod last night and put some new stuff on it this morning. I'm gonna list what I've got on here so far because it's 03.36AM and i'm shit bored.

music
The Academy IsThe Academy EP, Almost Here, Fast Times at Barrington High, Santi
Amy Studt My Paper Made Men
Ashley Tisdale Guilty Pleasures
Brand New Deja Entendu, The Devil and God are Raging Inside of me
Cobra Starship Viva La Cobra, While the City Sleeps, We Rule the Streets
Demi Lovato Don't Forget
Elliot Minor Elliot Minor
Gym Class Heroes As Cruel as School Children, For the Kids, The Papercut Chronicles, The Quilt
HelloGoodbye Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs!
I Am Ghost Lovers' Requiem
Jason Mraz MR.A-Z
Katy Perry One of the Boys
Lady Gaga The Fame
Pierce the Veil A Flair for the Dramatic
Simple Plan Simple Plan
Taylor Swift Fearless
The Urgency The Urgency
3OH!3 WANT



and i don't want to talk about it right now. i know that bottling it up is not good for me. i'm not doing that. i'm just dealing with things my way. things are shit, yes, so what? things are shit for everyone else in this world. stopping to cry over it like i've done in the past is immature and pointless. it solves nothing.
no. i don't want to talk about it.
and that's the end of it.

honey, i'm going to make it out alive.

a devotion to babble

to a life (mis)led by quoting indifferences -
i offer you subtleties, niceties. it is worthwhile
for a few minutes of peace, while my mother massages a migraine.
to my father nursing his negligence in a hospital bed while
the women phone for reassurance that their lives could be worse.
this gossip mill, i am not this rumour of a child, silent.
my life is not run by the words on your lips.

and the worst pies in london!

it's four o'clock in the morning! i'm so bored! i was asleep from nine until eleven and then i was like "oh time to wake up" and then i was playing animal crossing in my mum's room 'cause she kept having nightmares and like, twitching and falling off the bed. poor mama ): anyway she's all calm now so i'm like HIIII COMPUTERRRRR and then i find out everyone LITERALLY EVERYONE is very very sad ): D: D: D: i'm listening to the sweeney todd soundtrack and i'm kinda hungry which is fairly odd for me. i gave lotte the rest of my aero 'cause i'm cool like that! i had so many sweets today! i want to go find my money in my jeans so i can buy a shitload of sweets today. if anyone winds up coming out. i jolly well hope they do D: i've been stuck in the house for so long!! i want icecream, i think. i've got such a sweet tooth recently, which is odd because usually i'm like "urgh, food D:" but recently i've been like OMNOMNOM which really is odd for me!! D: i need to go biking again (: (: (:
i really hope my mummy did an underwear load of washing yesterday. i want to wear my cool checkered boxers tomorrow/today. i would do my own washing, but my dad doesn't trust me ahaha. i totally NEVER broke the kitchen appliances! i never turned the toaster upside down! never! never!
Now I'm listening to Shakira. SHUT UP. She's so cool! But they don't have Oral Fixation Vol. 2 D: which is totally her best album. I borrowed it from the library :D I'm listening to Cobra Starship now. Part of me hates them. The rest ADORES them. J'ADOREEEEE!! I like The Church of Hot Addiction.

Just let me ask you:
Hey, have you heard of my religion?
It's called the Church of Hot Addiction
And we believe that God has lust for everything

Because now,
The time has come for your devotion
And you already got a notion
Of what I need
So give it, just give it,
Just give it to me

You're willing,
I'm waiting.
Turn out the lights

Tonight I am the drug you can't deny
Tonight G-A-B-E gonna get you high
My light is electric, hey hey hey
My light is electric, yeah, hey hey hey
My light is electric, hey hey hey
My light is electric, yeah, hey hey hey
My light it electric

Just let me tell you
Hey, you gotta get the Cobra bless now
You're really only selling sex now
But I can pay
The price you charge for what I need

Because I,
I've got a nasty new compulsion
And you've already got a notion
Of what I need
So give it, just give it,
Just give it to me

You're willing,
I'm waiting.
Turn out the lights

Tonight I am the drug you can't deny
Tonight G-A-B-E gonna get you high
My light is electric
Tonight I am the drug you can't deny
Tonight G-A-B-E gonna get you high
My light is electric, hey hey hey
My light is electric, yeah, hey hey hey
My light is electric, hey hey hey
My light is electric, yeah, hey hey hey
My light is electric

I've got electric eyes
And I can get you high
I've got electric eyes
I'm gonna get you

Tonight I am the drug you can't deny
Tonight G-A-B-E gonna get you high
My light is, light is, light is
Tonight I am the drug you can't deny
Tonight G-A-B-E gonna get you high
My light is electric, hey hey hey
My light is electric, yeah, hey hey hey
My light is electric, hey hey hey
My light is electric, yeah, hey hey hey
My light is electric, hey hey hey
My light is electric, hey hey hey
My light is electric, yeah, hey hey hey
My light is electric, hey hey hey
My light is electric, yeah

FITASS SONG. and i want some bitching formatting now!!

i wanna get back, get back (;

OHMYGOD SO MANY FREAKIN' ICONS MADE TODAY! i'll post them if i cba, but there's 20+ RENT ones, 4+ Mock the Week, 2+ Eastenders...

It's gonna take a while =D And I haven't even finished making themmm.

OMG. EASTENDERS SPOILERS FOR LIKE, OCTOBER!!
on the plus side, syed + christian don't look like they're being written out any time soon =D ON THE DOWNSIDE, THE NEXT TIME THEY'RE FREAKING ON IS LIKE NEXT MONDAY! but even still, there's this MASSIVE MASSIVE EVENT that totally pushes on things =D =D =D

I like being a nerd.