i wait to explode

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Now playing: E For Explosion - I Explode
via FoxyTunes

I have to go to the Howdale again. I'm sick of this stupid thing, I'm sick of all of it. I want to sleep, I want to be able to eat without mentally processing how long I have to exercise just to not feel guilty. I'm tired.

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Now playing: The Exies - Ugly
via FoxyTunes

I'm not in a bad mood. I used today wisely; I slept and then had a look through my Science notes. The exam tomorrow's totally freaking me out. I know that I did well on the Mock, and that I really should/should have told my parents about the actual GCSE tomorrow, but I don't want them knowing.
Someone once told me I push everyone away when I'm scared they're getting too close and I don't know, but they're probably right. I'm more bitter recently, but maybe I'm just getting more mature. I'm hopeful though, and that's got to count for something.

So, more of my thoughts, I suppose.

I dislike people who fish for compliments. They'll criticize their appearance ("Oh! I'm so fat!") and then go and scoff food. Maybe it's this thing talking, I don't know.

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Now playing: Damien Rice - Lonelily (Original Demo)
via FoxyTunes

It seemed to warp my opinion of everyone and everything. Everyone I know seems tainted now somehow, and I'm just trying to find out the good part of them before it's too late. Conversation's growing short, and the silence is making the air taut with nervousness.

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Now playing: Spill Canvas - All Over You
via FoxyTunes

I'm so desperate to be someone, to be something that I'm not really paying attention to the now. I need this, I want this. All those other five-hotshot-minute wonders, they're nothing. I've wanted this for so long. I'm not the pathetic "I want to influence the world!" girl, I want the rush, I want the fucking thrill that I seem to get so rarely.