i was absolutely petrified.
-and that in itself absolutely petrifies me.
Monday, 29 June 2009
Sunday, 28 June 2009
just dress me up in what you want me to be.
-weird mood, warning, weird mood.
so i went to cambridge with dan and jem today. it was good. i enjoyed it. i feel strangely protective of them; they're the two boys who i can piss about with + have a good laugh with. i don't have to worry about whether my shorts are too short (they were and i got perved on but nevermind) and yeah they give me the lowdown on what boys really think and don't give a damn about whether i'm a slut (yes, i do appear to be now) or not. does it make sense when i say that i love them? it's a different kind of love i guess, it's the love i feel towards all you guys who look after me so much and i never thank you for it, sorry, sorry.
i don't know what else to write now ¬¬ haha.
i think i've changed a lot recently. i'm actually trying to stop bitching from here on, i really am. promise. i'm really bad. and i know everyone does it but it's an honestly disgusting part of me and i hate it soooo much.
dad's come home. i know i whine about him a lot and i'm sure he's not that bad really, maybe i'm just overreacting, but i can't stand how he treats us, like we're just there to be hurt. he does it all the time. i just go mute at home. i keep on finding these flaws with every single one of them, how much they hurt me, everything. it's bad i can't eat at home now, means i don't feel safe there and i don't, he scares me. he scares me.
everything scares me. i was talking about it to d yesterday and he said he understood, but i don't know? i agreee sometimes when even i don't understand myself? but it's this overwhelming fear all the time, when i'm close to him what people are thinking of me? how long before he realises just how fucking weird i am? and she's like oh it'll last and i swear to god i want to slap her because like hell these things last. sometimes i think maybe i shouldn't have let myself get close to people because it's inevitable how much i'm going to get hurt before i remember how they treated me and how it felt. i don't want to go back to that, god, i don't. i'm just so scared. i can't stand being in groups bigger than four, can't stand being loud, i worry when my clothes are too short/too low, are they thinking how crap that girl looks when they pass me in the street? when people whistle are they taking the piss? probably? i don't get what he sees in me, he's far better than i am. which kinda sucks, but huh.
friendships they're just burning away like they never sparked in the first place.
after school and he is waiting
trust written into fear
and i am walking towards him
or he's walking over here
towards me i lose it
and i just can't stop myself.
it doesn't solve anything.
well i've kind of written myself off now.
and then it stops
and it has to end anyway.
sometimes i guess things just happen
and they don't have to.
but they do.
and well i guess i know all the reasons
i was holding on too tightly
and then i fell couldn't let go but now i know
this is how it ends.
i made the mistake of looking behind me
when it was really just my head
messing with me making me think
i was seeing someone else instead in
my reflection.
i don't know if i can talk right now.
i think i'll try
but the words won't leave my mouth.
sometimes i guess things just happen
and they don't have to.
but they do.
and well i guess i know all the reasons
i was holding on too tightly
and then i fell couldn't let go but now i know
this is how it ends.
and now i'm running and now i'm trying
to get away from myself
i'm clutching at straws just trying not to
let you put me back on the shelf
because i want this.
i swear.
sometimes i guess things just happen
and they don't have to.
but they do.
and well i guess i know all the reasons
i was holding on too tightly
and then i fell couldn't let go but now i know
this is how it ends.
and you don't know
and you don't try
and you never learn, you never learn.
not your reflection
it's your turn.
so i went to cambridge with dan and jem today. it was good. i enjoyed it. i feel strangely protective of them; they're the two boys who i can piss about with + have a good laugh with. i don't have to worry about whether my shorts are too short (they were and i got perved on but nevermind) and yeah they give me the lowdown on what boys really think and don't give a damn about whether i'm a slut (yes, i do appear to be now) or not. does it make sense when i say that i love them? it's a different kind of love i guess, it's the love i feel towards all you guys who look after me so much and i never thank you for it, sorry, sorry.
i don't know what else to write now ¬¬ haha.
i think i've changed a lot recently. i'm actually trying to stop bitching from here on, i really am. promise. i'm really bad. and i know everyone does it but it's an honestly disgusting part of me and i hate it soooo much.
dad's come home. i know i whine about him a lot and i'm sure he's not that bad really, maybe i'm just overreacting, but i can't stand how he treats us, like we're just there to be hurt. he does it all the time. i just go mute at home. i keep on finding these flaws with every single one of them, how much they hurt me, everything. it's bad i can't eat at home now, means i don't feel safe there and i don't, he scares me. he scares me.
everything scares me. i was talking about it to d yesterday and he said he understood, but i don't know? i agreee sometimes when even i don't understand myself? but it's this overwhelming fear all the time, when i'm close to him what people are thinking of me? how long before he realises just how fucking weird i am? and she's like oh it'll last and i swear to god i want to slap her because like hell these things last. sometimes i think maybe i shouldn't have let myself get close to people because it's inevitable how much i'm going to get hurt before i remember how they treated me and how it felt. i don't want to go back to that, god, i don't. i'm just so scared. i can't stand being in groups bigger than four, can't stand being loud, i worry when my clothes are too short/too low, are they thinking how crap that girl looks when they pass me in the street? when people whistle are they taking the piss? probably? i don't get what he sees in me, he's far better than i am. which kinda sucks, but huh.
friendships they're just burning away like they never sparked in the first place.
after school and he is waiting
trust written into fear
and i am walking towards him
or he's walking over here
towards me i lose it
and i just can't stop myself.
it doesn't solve anything.
well i've kind of written myself off now.
and then it stops
and it has to end anyway.
sometimes i guess things just happen
and they don't have to.
but they do.
and well i guess i know all the reasons
i was holding on too tightly
and then i fell couldn't let go but now i know
this is how it ends.
i made the mistake of looking behind me
when it was really just my head
messing with me making me think
i was seeing someone else instead in
my reflection.
i don't know if i can talk right now.
i think i'll try
but the words won't leave my mouth.
sometimes i guess things just happen
and they don't have to.
but they do.
and well i guess i know all the reasons
i was holding on too tightly
and then i fell couldn't let go but now i know
this is how it ends.
and now i'm running and now i'm trying
to get away from myself
i'm clutching at straws just trying not to
let you put me back on the shelf
because i want this.
i swear.
sometimes i guess things just happen
and they don't have to.
but they do.
and well i guess i know all the reasons
i was holding on too tightly
and then i fell couldn't let go but now i know
this is how it ends.
and you don't know
and you don't try
and you never learn, you never learn.
not your reflection
it's your turn.
Wednesday, 10 June 2009
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Hey There Oblivious, Where Is Your Happiness?
AHOY!!
Anyway. Today TONIGHT TONIGHTTTT. No. Anyway.
Got into form, licked my Freud book twice to annoy Emma and then licked...what did I lick? I can't remember. And threatened to bite Emma.
Business, Debry called me out about yesterday, bitch, said that my skirt was pretty but not school uni. COnversation was funny.
MD: "I'm not here about that but-"
T "Oh no, it's just because I couldn't find my school skirt. My proper one, y'see."
MD: Right. It's very pretty but-
T : It is, isn't it? Thank you.
MD: What happened yesterday?
T: Well...
And then I had to explain the whole extravaganza to her and at the end she was like "I thought you caught the bus..." And I was so tempted to be like YOUFSCKINIDIOT APPARENTLY NOT! But I didn't. I restrained myself (:
Then Science, there was a sub, so Laura+I sat together and then my nose bled and it looked hideously dramatic. It was AMAZING (:
Thennnn...PE. And I was wearing the shorts AND IF ONE MORE PERSON POINTS OUT THE SPLIT UP THE SIDE, I WILL SCREAM. I DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR KIT, SO SHUSH. Thankyou (:
Ummmmm...English. Deadly dull, but pretty funny tbh.
Joe "You know Jasmine Smith?"
Me "WHich one?"
Joe "Uh....Tall"
Me "Nope
Joe "Short hair?"
Me "Nope."
Joe "Big mole on her face"
Me "OHHH HER!"
And then we had a conversation about how remembering someone by their physical traits isn't a bad thing. It was pretty funny.
Mediaaaa....Went and took some pictures then got back indoors and...Uh.,....Made my film poster. It's good. She said so.
Form, Emma got me to kiss her arm better so I did and it stopped hurting. But Rissa, she did not have the magic kiss! Nope. And then....WHat happened? Oh yeah. The bell went and Chris came to pick me up and we went and hugged for a long time and played Truth and got tutted at by old people until seven.
It was all good.
Anyway. Today TONIGHT TONIGHTTTT. No. Anyway.
Got into form, licked my Freud book twice to annoy Emma and then licked...what did I lick? I can't remember. And threatened to bite Emma.
Business, Debry called me out about yesterday, bitch, said that my skirt was pretty but not school uni. COnversation was funny.
MD: "I'm not here about that but-"
T "Oh no, it's just because I couldn't find my school skirt. My proper one, y'see."
MD: Right. It's very pretty but-
T : It is, isn't it? Thank you.
MD: What happened yesterday?
T: Well...
And then I had to explain the whole extravaganza to her and at the end she was like "I thought you caught the bus..." And I was so tempted to be like YOUFSCKINIDIOT APPARENTLY NOT! But I didn't. I restrained myself (:
Then Science, there was a sub, so Laura+I sat together and then my nose bled and it looked hideously dramatic. It was AMAZING (:
Thennnn...PE. And I was wearing the shorts AND IF ONE MORE PERSON POINTS OUT THE SPLIT UP THE SIDE, I WILL SCREAM. I DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR KIT, SO SHUSH. Thankyou (:
Ummmmm...English. Deadly dull, but pretty funny tbh.
Joe "You know Jasmine Smith?"
Me "WHich one?"
Joe "Uh....Tall"
Me "Nope
Joe "Short hair?"
Me "Nope."
Joe "Big mole on her face"
Me "OHHH HER!"
And then we had a conversation about how remembering someone by their physical traits isn't a bad thing. It was pretty funny.
Mediaaaa....Went and took some pictures then got back indoors and...Uh.,....Made my film poster. It's good. She said so.
Form, Emma got me to kiss her arm better so I did and it stopped hurting. But Rissa, she did not have the magic kiss! Nope. And then....WHat happened? Oh yeah. The bell went and Chris came to pick me up and we went and hugged for a long time and played Truth and got tutted at by old people until seven.
It was all good.
Saturday, 30 May 2009
I Give You My Everything
SO.
How long's it been?
Anyway. An update, yeah?
I'm KNACKERED. Right...I'd best start from like, first Saturday of half term yeeeah.
Saturday: Got up dead early to catch a lift through with my mum to take Lotte to work (I was meeting Sarah+Tom+Chris at Ely Station at like, 10.00). We all met up. Caught the tran JUST IN TIME to Cambridge, where we spent for-fudging-ever walking to the Grafton where we met Carl+Kym. Thennn we went and got our movie tickets for A Night At The Museum 2, and I was like MEGABROKEEE so Chris + Sarah paid which was more than a little embarassing...But anyway, it was good. We went and Sarah + Chris got Shakin' Moos to pass the time. And then shared them with me. They're nice people (: Thennn we watched the film and I sat in between Tom + Chris which was actually dead funny, because they were pointing stuff out to me all the way throughout the movie ('cause I hadn't seen the first one). AND OH YEAH, POINT TO ANYONE, HAVE YOU PAID ATTENTION TO THE ADVERTS ABOUT PEARL AND DEAN? DON'T YOU THINK THEY'RE ALL RELATED? Haha. Thennn we milled around the shops for a little while looking like your standard we-want-to-punch-your-face-in kind of kids before heading over to Jesus Green where we all sat down (: Then Chris, Sarah, Tom + I all caught the train back to cambridge (I can't remember when Zoe turned up throughout the day but she did ;D) and thenn Tom caught his posh taxi back to Littleport, Chris and I walked with Sarah home and then went and talked a bit. (: Was all good.
Sunday: My mum took my dad up to Yorkshire, where he's staying for the next two weeks. At least he's not here to bother us anymore, but he keeps on phoning and being a complete arsehole really. But hey, at least I can't find myself wanting to slap him anymore. Not unless I have reeeeally long hands.
Monday + Tuesday: Were spent with Lotte, just tidying up, cooking, doing the occasional bit of art work/science revision, talking to Chris + people on MSN. My mum came home on Tuesday night which was pretty nice.
Wednesday: Chris + I met up in ...Ely? Yeah. And we walked around in the wind+rain for a bit which was kinda cooooold, haha. But nice. And then I met his parents, who took us through to Cambridge, where we had a meal (very-silent-and-awkward) at Pizza Hut before Chris+I ran away to go see Coraline 3D which is the BEST FREAKIEST FILM EVER!! And then we beat each other up on the way home playing the Yellow Car game which alarmed his parents a little, haha. He was meeeean to wake me up ;D
Thursday: I think I slept like, all day...?
Friday: GRRRR. I WAS SO PISSED OFF. Lotte only told me ON THE WAY to meeting Chris that like, Emma had reminded me about the sleepover on FB. I, being the STUPIDD DUMBASS THAT I AM, left without checking my facebook. ): So I forgot it was on until Tot told me in the car and then I was like, " MUST RING EMMA" before realising that her number was on the phone that's been cut off. AGAIN ): \: Goddammit. But then my mum was like "oh i don't want you walking anywhere in the dark anyway" and "oh you have to do your art studies tomorrow morning anyway!" so I basically sulked on the car ride there which is, as I know, reeeal mature. Any way. We picked up Chris and carried onto Cambridge, which was pretty slick. Then I got my allowance which was like OH THANK GOD because I'm famous for my failures with money (; and Chris+I went to Jesus Green and just played Truth, basically. Then we went to get some lunch, ate it, went to the music shop, went to TopMan + got Chris' hat before heading back to the car, where my mum dropped us at Ely. We basically went + sat outside of the Cathedral and had a grass fight before meeting a load of people and heading down to the Maltings, where we were informed that NO, THEY WERE NOT OPEN YET and so Kirsty, Jade, Chris, me + Laura went and sat by the river. Then we went back to the gig, bought our tickets, watched all of the bands...Littlest Things were the best, in my opinion. They were pretty darn good (Y) but the rest was sometimes like "ARGHHH EARDRUM RAPE" and I was pretty knackered anyway + all coughy with hayfever. But yeah. My mum stopped off at Tesco on the way home + picked me up some tablets so all is well (Y) Um...Yeah. Then I went straight to bed when I got in.
Saturday: My mum woke me up dead early before saying "actually you're not ready, stay here" and I wound up staying at home until like 1, when I saved a duck on the road (Y) and we went to Cambridge. I got a new copy of Frankenstein because I gave Brendon my old one and a book on Freud's Interpretation of Dreams. SLICK. Then, we went to the Fitzwilliam and I did some sketches, bought some postcards to draw from + stick in and then we headed home.
Which is where I am now.
EMMA, I am TRULY AND UTTELY SORRY about the sleepover situation, I sincerely hope that your father does not hate me ): I am hopeful that I will be allowed to have a sleepover so, seeing how I promised you like 6666666 months ago, maybe you could stay around? That'd be neat, seeing how my dad's in Yorkshire for the next couple of weeks or so.
JAZZ, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, THE ART HOMEWORK WHICH IS VERY IMPORTANT, IS TO RESEARCH AN ARTIST LISTED IN CLASS. NOW, YOU WEREN'T HERE DURING THE LESSONS, BUT IF YOU WANT TO AVOID MS NUTGENS BITCHING, THE ARTIST I'M RESEARCHING IS CALLED PIERRE AUGUSTE RENOIR. MAYBE YOU COULD DO HIM AS WELL? THE HOMEWORK IS BASICALLY TO RESEARCH HIS STYLE, BUT I THINK IT SAYS THAT ON THE SHEET? YOU KNOW, THE REALLY COOL CRITERIA SHEET? YEAH, THAT ONE!
SARAH, I have no thrilling notices here for you but the other day I watched Order of the Phoenix. How neat was that? But now I want to write fanfiction again.
Right, I'd best get back to Freud My Homeboy. He's ranting about the Oedipus Complex again. Something about little boys wanting to bum their mothers...This whole post is vaguely reminiscent of Feeling Sorry For Celia...
How long's it been?
Anyway. An update, yeah?
I'm KNACKERED. Right...I'd best start from like, first Saturday of half term yeeeah.
Saturday: Got up dead early to catch a lift through with my mum to take Lotte to work (I was meeting Sarah+Tom+Chris at Ely Station at like, 10.00). We all met up. Caught the tran JUST IN TIME to Cambridge, where we spent for-fudging-ever walking to the Grafton where we met Carl+Kym. Thennn we went and got our movie tickets for A Night At The Museum 2, and I was like MEGABROKEEE so Chris + Sarah paid which was more than a little embarassing...But anyway, it was good. We went and Sarah + Chris got Shakin' Moos to pass the time. And then shared them with me. They're nice people (: Thennn we watched the film and I sat in between Tom + Chris which was actually dead funny, because they were pointing stuff out to me all the way throughout the movie ('cause I hadn't seen the first one). AND OH YEAH, POINT TO ANYONE, HAVE YOU PAID ATTENTION TO THE ADVERTS ABOUT PEARL AND DEAN? DON'T YOU THINK THEY'RE ALL RELATED? Haha. Thennn we milled around the shops for a little while looking like your standard we-want-to-punch-your-face-in kind of kids before heading over to Jesus Green where we all sat down (: Then Chris, Sarah, Tom + I all caught the train back to cambridge (I can't remember when Zoe turned up throughout the day but she did ;D) and thenn Tom caught his posh taxi back to Littleport, Chris and I walked with Sarah home and then went and talked a bit. (: Was all good.
Sunday: My mum took my dad up to Yorkshire, where he's staying for the next two weeks. At least he's not here to bother us anymore, but he keeps on phoning and being a complete arsehole really. But hey, at least I can't find myself wanting to slap him anymore. Not unless I have reeeeally long hands.
Monday + Tuesday: Were spent with Lotte, just tidying up, cooking, doing the occasional bit of art work/science revision, talking to Chris + people on MSN. My mum came home on Tuesday night which was pretty nice.
Wednesday: Chris + I met up in ...Ely? Yeah. And we walked around in the wind+rain for a bit which was kinda cooooold, haha. But nice. And then I met his parents, who took us through to Cambridge, where we had a meal (very-silent-and-awkward) at Pizza Hut before Chris+I ran away to go see Coraline 3D which is the BEST FREAKIEST FILM EVER!! And then we beat each other up on the way home playing the Yellow Car game which alarmed his parents a little, haha. He was meeeean to wake me up ;D
Thursday: I think I slept like, all day...?
Friday: GRRRR. I WAS SO PISSED OFF. Lotte only told me ON THE WAY to meeting Chris that like, Emma had reminded me about the sleepover on FB. I, being the STUPIDD DUMBASS THAT I AM, left without checking my facebook. ): So I forgot it was on until Tot told me in the car and then I was like, " MUST RING EMMA" before realising that her number was on the phone that's been cut off. AGAIN ): \: Goddammit. But then my mum was like "oh i don't want you walking anywhere in the dark anyway" and "oh you have to do your art studies tomorrow morning anyway!" so I basically sulked on the car ride there which is, as I know, reeeal mature. Any way. We picked up Chris and carried onto Cambridge, which was pretty slick. Then I got my allowance which was like OH THANK GOD because I'm famous for my failures with money (; and Chris+I went to Jesus Green and just played Truth, basically. Then we went to get some lunch, ate it, went to the music shop, went to TopMan + got Chris' hat before heading back to the car, where my mum dropped us at Ely. We basically went + sat outside of the Cathedral and had a grass fight before meeting a load of people and heading down to the Maltings, where we were informed that NO, THEY WERE NOT OPEN YET and so Kirsty, Jade, Chris, me + Laura went and sat by the river. Then we went back to the gig, bought our tickets, watched all of the bands...Littlest Things were the best, in my opinion. They were pretty darn good (Y) but the rest was sometimes like "ARGHHH EARDRUM RAPE" and I was pretty knackered anyway + all coughy with hayfever. But yeah. My mum stopped off at Tesco on the way home + picked me up some tablets so all is well (Y) Um...Yeah. Then I went straight to bed when I got in.
Saturday: My mum woke me up dead early before saying "actually you're not ready, stay here" and I wound up staying at home until like 1, when I saved a duck on the road (Y) and we went to Cambridge. I got a new copy of Frankenstein because I gave Brendon my old one and a book on Freud's Interpretation of Dreams. SLICK. Then, we went to the Fitzwilliam and I did some sketches, bought some postcards to draw from + stick in and then we headed home.
Which is where I am now.
EMMA, I am TRULY AND UTTELY SORRY about the sleepover situation, I sincerely hope that your father does not hate me ): I am hopeful that I will be allowed to have a sleepover so, seeing how I promised you like 6666666 months ago, maybe you could stay around? That'd be neat, seeing how my dad's in Yorkshire for the next couple of weeks or so.
JAZZ, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, THE ART HOMEWORK WHICH IS VERY IMPORTANT, IS TO RESEARCH AN ARTIST LISTED IN CLASS. NOW, YOU WEREN'T HERE DURING THE LESSONS, BUT IF YOU WANT TO AVOID MS NUTGENS BITCHING, THE ARTIST I'M RESEARCHING IS CALLED PIERRE AUGUSTE RENOIR. MAYBE YOU COULD DO HIM AS WELL? THE HOMEWORK IS BASICALLY TO RESEARCH HIS STYLE, BUT I THINK IT SAYS THAT ON THE SHEET? YOU KNOW, THE REALLY COOL CRITERIA SHEET? YEAH, THAT ONE!
SARAH, I have no thrilling notices here for you but the other day I watched Order of the Phoenix. How neat was that? But now I want to write fanfiction again.
Right, I'd best get back to Freud My Homeboy. He's ranting about the Oedipus Complex again. Something about little boys wanting to bum their mothers...This whole post is vaguely reminiscent of Feeling Sorry For Celia...
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
if i get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me
Narcolepsy is a chronic sleep disorder (a dyssomnia) characterized by overwhelming drowsiness and sudden attacks of sleep. The condition is most characterized by excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS), in which a person experiences extreme tiredness and possibly falls asleep during inappropriate times, such as at work or school. A narcoleptic will most probably experience disturbed nocturnal sleep, which is often confused with insomnia, and disorder of REM or rapid eye movement sleep.
Um.
Um.
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
i wait to explode
----------------
Now playing: E For Explosion - I Explode
via FoxyTunes
I have to go to the Howdale again. I'm sick of this stupid thing, I'm sick of all of it. I want to sleep, I want to be able to eat without mentally processing how long I have to exercise just to not feel guilty. I'm tired.
----------------
Now playing: The Exies - Ugly
via FoxyTunes
I'm not in a bad mood. I used today wisely; I slept and then had a look through my Science notes. The exam tomorrow's totally freaking me out. I know that I did well on the Mock, and that I really should/should have told my parents about the actual GCSE tomorrow, but I don't want them knowing.
Someone once told me I push everyone away when I'm scared they're getting too close and I don't know, but they're probably right. I'm more bitter recently, but maybe I'm just getting more mature. I'm hopeful though, and that's got to count for something.
So, more of my thoughts, I suppose.
I dislike people who fish for compliments. They'll criticize their appearance ("Oh! I'm so fat!") and then go and scoff food. Maybe it's this thing talking, I don't know.
----------------
Now playing: Damien Rice - Lonelily (Original Demo)
via FoxyTunes
It seemed to warp my opinion of everyone and everything. Everyone I know seems tainted now somehow, and I'm just trying to find out the good part of them before it's too late. Conversation's growing short, and the silence is making the air taut with nervousness.
----------------
Now playing: Spill Canvas - All Over You
via FoxyTunes
I'm so desperate to be someone, to be something that I'm not really paying attention to the now. I need this, I want this. All those other five-hotshot-minute wonders, they're nothing. I've wanted this for so long. I'm not the pathetic "I want to influence the world!" girl, I want the rush, I want the fucking thrill that I seem to get so rarely.
Now playing: E For Explosion - I Explode
via FoxyTunes
I have to go to the Howdale again. I'm sick of this stupid thing, I'm sick of all of it. I want to sleep, I want to be able to eat without mentally processing how long I have to exercise just to not feel guilty. I'm tired.
----------------
Now playing: The Exies - Ugly
via FoxyTunes
I'm not in a bad mood. I used today wisely; I slept and then had a look through my Science notes. The exam tomorrow's totally freaking me out. I know that I did well on the Mock, and that I really should/should have told my parents about the actual GCSE tomorrow, but I don't want them knowing.
Someone once told me I push everyone away when I'm scared they're getting too close and I don't know, but they're probably right. I'm more bitter recently, but maybe I'm just getting more mature. I'm hopeful though, and that's got to count for something.
So, more of my thoughts, I suppose.
I dislike people who fish for compliments. They'll criticize their appearance ("Oh! I'm so fat!") and then go and scoff food. Maybe it's this thing talking, I don't know.
----------------
Now playing: Damien Rice - Lonelily (Original Demo)
via FoxyTunes
It seemed to warp my opinion of everyone and everything. Everyone I know seems tainted now somehow, and I'm just trying to find out the good part of them before it's too late. Conversation's growing short, and the silence is making the air taut with nervousness.
----------------
Now playing: Spill Canvas - All Over You
via FoxyTunes
I'm so desperate to be someone, to be something that I'm not really paying attention to the now. I need this, I want this. All those other five-hotshot-minute wonders, they're nothing. I've wanted this for so long. I'm not the pathetic "I want to influence the world!" girl, I want the rush, I want the fucking thrill that I seem to get so rarely.
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