yes, it really really really could happen.

----------------
Now playing: Elliot Minor - Time After Time
via FoxyTunes

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. Like, loads I mean. I've never been particularly fond of your average "This-is-what-I-did-today" spoonfeed blogs, so I guess I should probably write about this kind of shizz.

I don't think I'm going to get any different from who I am now, to be honest. I can be selfish, self-centered and even kind of manipulative, but...I don't know. I never seem to dwell on my good points. So here they are, I guess. I'm stubborn, good at keeping secrets and able to think things through.

You know? I know it's silly to not want to talk to people over than the ones I'm really close to. And I'm not really all that close to anyone, save for Laura. She's my BFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF (: Haha, jokes in Media Studies.

----------------
Now playing: Elliot Minor - Parallel Worlds
via FoxyTunes

This isn't directed at anyone in particular. I've learned recently that you have to make a kind of disclaimer, or else people always get suspicious, which is actually rather silly. I can't stand being too close to anyone. It's not anything in particular, it's just that I can only have people I totally love actually be close to me. Those people include Laura, George, my mum, Jeremy and Eric right now. And I don't mean love like that, necessarily. Oh, and Kirsty. They're the only people I can actually stand to have really close to me. Other people, it's like a ... I can't think of the word for it.


----------------
Now playing: Elliot Minor - The White One Is Evil
via FoxyTunes

Defence mechanism, I suppose you could say. I can't stand sitting exactly next to someone, neither can I stand being opposite them. If people reach out to touch me or hug me, I immediately flinch/stiffen. I wish that people would understand, it's not that I'm sad. It's not even that I'm annoyed with them or don't like them, it's just that I just feel...sick, I suppose. I can't look people in the eyes, and I can't stand being stared at. I like linger-glances from boys in the street, as vain as that sounds. But you know? Yeah. I just can't stand being stared at.

----------------
Now playing: Elliot Minor - The Liar Is You
via FoxyTunes

I can't stand it when people talk about my life all disapproving like. I mean..."Oh, you're always off! The slightest sniffle, I cope with everything." Again, this isn't anyone in particular. Look, I know I get ill a lot. But really, I know you're just joking, but stop it. It doesn't affect you in particular. It's not like I'm planning to marry you and then turning up at the altar and saying "I'm ill". So just...ARGH! Please.

I can't stand it when you can feel friendships breaking apart at your fingertips and there's nothing that you can do.

----------------
Now playing: E For Explosion - I Explode
via FoxyTunes

It's like...There's a point where you have to say "It's not me who's changing, is it?" and you know it's right. But it still hurts like hell. There's a point where conversation runs out, where silences are awkward and meetings only prove difficulties. I can't stand MSN anymore; it seems like I can't trust my own words not to betray me.

I don't understand why you're doing this. I get that you feel secure with him, but you're being hypocritical. It's not fair of you to be all "He's breaking my heart!" and then say "Well, actually, I'm not breaking up with him". I know that you said all of that, I just can't stand that you can be so...shallow. You've really changed.

I've come to realise many things recently. One, of which: it does not matter how the person themselves feel if you supposedly "love" someone. It's not love to want to have someone for yourself, to want to possess them. That's a craving for dominance. Neither is it "love" to cling to someone who shows you affection. I think...I can't lecture on this. But I know what it should be. Love should be not caring if they're with someone else. It should be hurting like hell because they're in love with someone else, or feeling on top of the world because you're just so happy that they're in your life. Wanting to possess someone for yourself, that's not right. And it never will be. That way only leads pain. Stop automatically correllating the word "love" with "relationship". That way shows folly.

Having said that, I'm actually beginning to really like Eric. I don't want people to automatically think of me as an idiot because I go to a different school than him, or for people to think I'm one of those girls automatically falling for any guy older than her who shows her interest. Yeah, I got to know him because I was flattered he thought I was attractive. But...I don't know. I'm quite happy doing things slowly.

So, basically, to conclude, I'm beginning to see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It doesn't matter how much you're hurting inside if you can help others. And we're all human. It's our nature to be selfish.

I'm...sorry if I seem sad when I'm quiet. Sometimes I just have nothing to say. It's nothing to do with the company or anything. Sometimes I'm just very busy thinking.