i don't wanna be one of the boys

my foot is dead ticklish.

betcha never knew that.

you could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day.

I'd like to know who's been saying this, thanks. And yeah, I'm not letting it go. Because I don't fucking NEED this right now, okay?

You, boyo, don't even know me. We've had one conversation. You're a fucking arserimming bollock-sucking WANKER, got it? You're in ONE of my classes. Don't presume to know me. Fudgepacker.

Basically, if no one actually tells me the fucking truth about my own life RIGHT NOW, I'm getting really angry. Because my life is complicated enough. I don't need teenage rumours as well.

Do You Know, It Was Love From The First Time We Touched?

I'm like all the other cool kids, I'm in love with NeverShoutNever (: He's amazing.

I'm going to be cryptic, okay? Only Sarah's going to know what I'm going on about. And that's okay with me.

I'm scared. And I know it sounds silly. I know it does. I'm slapping myself for it.

Today was great (: Thank you for talking with me. It was immense. And yes, I will go shopping with you anytime you want. And I don't care what you want to try on, and I will gladly tell you what looks silly.
Pinkie-promise.

I don't know what I feel is. Happy, I suppose. And scared. But y'know. It's okay. I'm okay.

I'm Going In For The Kill

Blame Emma for the title.
I can't remember how I blog on this blog. I think I'm the subsequent epitome of delusional grandeur and wit, but that could just be me. (No. I don't. Shush.)
Fiddlesticks. Just remembered I've done about a paragraph of my R & J essay. Crumbs.

I think I'm changing a little. I'm going to post my display picture as an example.
It won't work. Fail.

And The Words, They're Everything And Nothing.

So, y'know, it's a blog. Get in there.

i was on dictionary.com earlier. i like words. i'm going to write down some of my favourite ones, i think. i've been looking through all of my books earlier and i found this one called the world's most comprehensive dictionary. it has different definitions for all these words.
catastrophe - feline punctuation.
aha.

i'm a cautious person naturally - i have no intention or desire to look like anyone or anything. i have some opinions, but i'd rather not say what they are. i think it's pretentious to claim you're not something and try to act like something else deliberately. i could say i'm not an indie kid, and someone could argue, "well, yes, you are. you dress like it + act like it." i'd rather say, "i don't think of myself as anything, especially not an indie kid." i'm not anything, but i could be something. could. i'm not a name, i'm not an anything. i'm barely myself. i'm not a "tilly", my own name sounds foreign upon paper.

i dislike people who feel that they have to repeat themselves to make their point clear. i could say, "i love you, and i hate it because i want to hate you" but there'd be no point. it wouldn't change how i feel or how i act. i'd like to just drop the subject of him. even if there was a chance like he or they consider there to be, i'm not that low. i have my pride.

grandiloquent
debauchery
troglodyte
nonchalence
perturbation
despondance
enamoured
suspended
effulgent
incandescent
auspicious
propituous
sanguine
itinerant
reticence
overawe
extinguished
altercation
fragmentary

if i could, i'd list all the words in the world for you. i'll suffice with your words.

susceptible, diffident, refrain, alleviation, abhorrence.

with your fake smile.

i want to ramble.

i don't think there's any point in these things tbh. i write what i think, someone gets hurt, it's all a load of codswallop. there'd be no point writing how i think/feel every second of the day, because how am i supposed to remember that? i can barely remember the activities of a day.

so. i'm writing this. i don't care what people comment on it, because i'm not replying. it's how i feel and how i think.

things have gotten harder recently. i've always prided myself on making myself cope, through whatever. i detest how i think and feel, like i always have it worst. because i don't. and i need to get over that. i need to get over feeling insecure just because someone doesn't talk to me, etc. ridiculous.

i have no heroes. as far as i can tell, we're all the same around here. we screw up, we get better, we die. the end. i don't believe in heaven or hell, and i certainly don't agree with the theory of christians being on a higher moral ground to non-christians. i'm not going to suffer some painful fate just because someone says i am. go away already. i have no desire to be part of your "community", as shallow and self-deprecating as it is. why should i have to wear a skirt and blouse just to sing something that doesn't seem right? i commit sins, alright, but i'm proud of them. i wouldn't be where i was if i hadn't done everything i have done.

i want to catch a train to get away from all of this. everyone, everything. i don't want to see anyone right now, and i really don't want to talk to them. it's nothing personal, i just like being private. i've told too many people about myself. how pathetic.