with your fake smile.

i want to ramble.

i don't think there's any point in these things tbh. i write what i think, someone gets hurt, it's all a load of codswallop. there'd be no point writing how i think/feel every second of the day, because how am i supposed to remember that? i can barely remember the activities of a day.

so. i'm writing this. i don't care what people comment on it, because i'm not replying. it's how i feel and how i think.

things have gotten harder recently. i've always prided myself on making myself cope, through whatever. i detest how i think and feel, like i always have it worst. because i don't. and i need to get over that. i need to get over feeling insecure just because someone doesn't talk to me, etc. ridiculous.

i have no heroes. as far as i can tell, we're all the same around here. we screw up, we get better, we die. the end. i don't believe in heaven or hell, and i certainly don't agree with the theory of christians being on a higher moral ground to non-christians. i'm not going to suffer some painful fate just because someone says i am. go away already. i have no desire to be part of your "community", as shallow and self-deprecating as it is. why should i have to wear a skirt and blouse just to sing something that doesn't seem right? i commit sins, alright, but i'm proud of them. i wouldn't be where i was if i hadn't done everything i have done.

i want to catch a train to get away from all of this. everyone, everything. i don't want to see anyone right now, and i really don't want to talk to them. it's nothing personal, i just like being private. i've told too many people about myself. how pathetic.