he wants to send me away.
it's not fair, it's not, it's not it's not, i was the one holding us all together when she buggered off to god knows where and they were crying and arguing every few minutes and i kept it together and even when she came back and we had so little money and everyone cried, i kept strong and you'd think someone would say well done
but as soon as he's back he thinks he can just fuck us all over again, it's not fair, it's not it's not how he picks sides and then he's taunting me every few minutes and i get told off for rising to it. it's not fair i'm not allowed to have my own privacy. i shouldn't have to make excuses just so i can keep a lock on my computer so i can keep my stories and songs private. i shouldn't have to have to keep my gameboy in my bedroom even though i paid for it and gave him my old one. he shouldn't be allowed to keep it when it's not his and it's not fair, it's not it's not, and i get blamed for everything going missing and then nobody believes me when it's not my fault and then when i prove it's not my fault still no one apologises. and it's not fair, i've given up so much and yet they're still allowed to hurt me. my friends pretty much hate me now because i can't stand the thought of being trapped here with no money again because it isn't fair. if you can't pay for your own food, you don't eat. if you don't pay for your own travel, you're not to go out. and yet they seem to love her, she's driven to these expensive courses and they still hate me even though it's not my fault. and i'm called the "reason for his "depression"" when i try to stand up for myself. i'm not allowed my own privacy. i'm not allowed my friends. i'm certainly not allowed to stand up for myself when everyone else is putting me down. i'm tired of being the lazy child, the one who doesn't work, when my grades have improved so much. and they have. i've gone from es+fs to as bs + cs but still i get the she got an a*, why can't you? i'm not her. i'm so sick of being the child who's used to make the other two look better, prettier, funnier, smarter. i'm too tired with this. i can't see the point any more to anything. i'm not allowed to be what i want to be because i don't understand how i can get there on my own and no one will help me. i can't even wear my own clothes.
i've been so strong all along and you seem to think it's alright to destroy everything i love and ban me from everything i enjoy doing
you can't keep me locked in my bedroom forever. if you're expecting some prince charming to come and save me from this fucked up family, you're wrong. soon you're going to have to realise that there won't be a happy ending. because i'm not rapunzel, and i've learnt by now that things never end happily.
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I'll come and save you darlin'. One day, when I'm 18 and can drive and have money. I will come to save you and we shall go on a beer drinking, drug fueled and damned awesome road trip. :P
ReplyDelete*hugs*
ReplyDeleteMy older sister is apparently a better person than me, prettier and more responsible. She can do no wrong in my mother's eyes.
My older brother is intelligent, funny and hugely successful, and although he has always bullied me on the rare occasions when I see him (he hasn't lived with us much in the last ten years) he can do no wrong in my dear mother's sight.
I, however, despite my good grades and generally good behaviour, am lazy, disrespectful and a bitch.
I know how it feels.
That's what friends are for.
Friends are the family we choose for ourselves, right? :)
There can always be a happy ending, if you choose it.
ReplyDeleteim afraid happiness is not always free, we must struggle through the darkness to see the light again, and the harder we fight the brightr the light.